scared...

I'm in atlanta right now very sad and disappointed in myself. My prince worked extra hard this week to finish as much work as he could so that he could spend the weekend with me uninterrupted and I ruined it with my attitude. I don't even know where it came from. I was upset with him in Miami bc I came all the way there and didn't get to spend but 2 hours with him and I let him know I was upset by giving him attitude, but there was no reason to have one this weekend. He picked me up from the airport, he got a hotel room for us so we didn't have to drive an hour outside atlanta back to his house, and he spent real time with me. I really messed it up...I admit I was emotional bc of my period but I didn't have to have an attitude with him like I did and now our time is up and I'm laying here pissed off at myself for messing up this weekend. So now I'm trying to figure out why I had an attitude so bad that he had to ask me if I still even liked him anymore. The only thing I could think of was that...I'm scared. I'm a sensitive and very shy person and I use my sarcasm (aka meaness) to mask my insecurities and fear of things. I think I'm scared about where this is going. He said himself that he was glad that we didn't get to talk all the time bc then we'd fall for each other. So that let me know that falling for me wasn't on his agenda, but I've already fallen (and I hate to admit it, but I've fallen hard) and the only way to keep a distance between him and my heart was to be mean and show him attitude. I am so confused about how he feels about me, and its putting me right back into the same place I was with a former relationship, let's call him The Cheat. I just don't want to get hurt again like I did with The Cheat bc I went through a lot of bad times bc of that, so the attitude was my defense mechanism. When I first met my Prince there was no pressure...I didn't know him or like him as much as I do now, so I could be myself. I was sweet, and we had fun. I want to get back to that, but I think I've messed it up.