time is passing...

it's been a looooong while since i last typed anything on this blog, but i was in the mood to type, and with it being almost 1 am on a Monday night with nothing to do, i figured i might as well get some thoughts down. other than the addition of new friends, my life is pretty much the exact same as when i last posted. that makes me smile and makes me sad at the same time because while i'm grateful to GOD that i am still blessed to have a job, a car, a wonderful apartment to myself, and the ability to pay all of my financial debt (which isnt much thanks to the advisement of my fantastic parents) i am still alone. i have to remind myself that the man who "finds" me and is destined to make me his, will be one eternally blessed man because i know that i am a great woman. i have so much inside that i want to share with someone special, but i havent been given the opportunity yet. about seven years ago i met a certain person, and i thought my life would have been so different now. but it's the way it is for a reason, and i've finally decided to completely move on. he's proven himself time and time again to be inconsistent, and such a grave disappointment. he's not who i thought he was, nor do i want to even think about how my life would be if he were mine. ah well, his loss, not mine. on to the next one...and i so mean it this time. nitey nite0:-)

my life...my life...my life

Once again, its been a while since I last posted anything. My life...my life...*sigh*my life. I'm still in between guys and I don't know why I keep finding myself here. I went to a friend's gathering the other night and met a guy that I'm almost certain is not my type but we had great conversation and he asked for my number so I gave it to him- at this point why not? So he's been texting and calling and so far so good. We have our first date planned for tomorrow and its sushi (one of my faves) so I'm excited. I'm just becoming reluctant to even talk to anyone anymore bc of the way things continue to turn out. I feel like I'm being open, I'm trying new things and considering putting myself out there but with the same results-girl meets boy, girl has great time with boy, boys falls hard, girl starts to fall, boy pulls back, girl loses boy. Its happened with kappa boy, dimples, kappa prince, and now JJ. WHY?? What am I doing that makes them notice that I'm a great catch but just not great enough to hold onto? My friend Miami Mami said that dating is more about finding out about yourself than the other person. So with this newfound wisdom I'm gonna take a different perspective on this date tomorrow and of course have fun. Today after school I decided to conveniently run into Ken Barbie. I'll call him that bc he's absolutely gorgeous. He was interested in Shannon last year which kinda turned me off but apparently nothing materialized from that. He claimed he thought I told him I was off the market but I have no idea where that came from. I went to hug him goodbye and he kissed me on my neck and it sent shivers through my body. I had to go sit down for a second to compose myself. I told him to hit me up and I really hope he does. Bc even if it doesn't work out I'll at least have the memory of sitting across from this fine man once over dinner. Sigh, my life...my life. My. Life. Ciao bellas!

low expectations, or no expectations

which would u prefer from a man? both are quite disappointing, but it seems to be what i'm facing right now. prince said that he's been thinking a lot about us, our relationship, what's best for us, and i've finally gotten him to consider me and my feelings. he's finally starting to realize how his actions have affected me, and he said he doesn't want me to hate him 3 months from now. because then our relationship really wont go anywhere. i just feel like he realizes that i'm a good catch, but i'd be doing him a BIG favor if i just sat dusty on the shelf until he was ready in his life to come find me and dust me off. that's not going to happen. he still claims that my talking to JJ doesn't bother him but he brought it up soooo many times that i still think otherwise.

i'm just tired. for the last six years i haven't been with anyone consistently. a month or two here, a couple weeks there and i'm sick of it. i want a boyfriend, and prince should be it, but i wouldn't even set myself up for that drama. i want to just wash my hands of it all, because my life would be so much easier if i could put him behind me. he asked me if he's ever made me cry, and he has 3 times. but i only told him of one time when we had a really late convo that didn't end well and i decided for the umpteenth time that i was done. truth be told, he made me cry last night when he made up some bs excuse about not being able to call me. i want it to be done, but i also want it to work. sigh...

fixing me...

Wow, almost a month later and i'm finally posting again. i need to fix a couple things in my life, like one, stop being ashamed of my God. whenever i'm at church and i see a young couple sitting next to each other, i get so jealous because i want to be able to come to church with the guy in my life. but i never talk about God when i'm with the guys that i talk to. church i such a big part of my life and the last two guys i've talked to don't seem to be that interested in getting to know me. i want someone to ask me questions and genuinely try to find as much as they can about my life, my likes and dislikes, what makes me the happiest and what makes me cry. there has to be someone out there like that, who i don't consider to be just a friend.

this new guy i'm talking to is cool, but i'm losing interest. i don't believe in horoscopes, but i am sooo a gemini. nobody can keep my attention for longer than a couple months, but when they do it hasn't ended up well. i'll start to lose interest, and then he'll do something to bring my attention back to him, but after all that i usually fall hard and then the guy pulls back...sigh. i'll figure this whole dating thing out one of these days...all i have to say for now. ciao bellas!

my reality...

it's been a few weeks since i last blogged, but my life picks right back up with Dimples...such a complete waste of time and thought. i haven't heard from him since that stupid text that i talked about in my last post. then, at 3:45am on Saturday morning, he randomly called me and asked me to come pick him up so we could hang out. he called 3 times and i ignored the first 2 times, and i should've ignored the third time too but i just wanted to get back to sleep and he kept calling back to back. i told him i was not going to come get him but we could hang out later that day. i shouldn't have done that because it just opened up the forgotten emotions that i had for him, but today they are buried, and i hope i can honestly say forever. he is not who i thought he was, and not who i want to be with. i was honest with him about my feelings for him and that gave him way too much power. so now i'm reclaiming that power and not speaking to him for a very long time, until i am forced to or am ready to. he's just not worth it.
once again i find myself alone A LOT and its driving me crazy. Prince is so inconsistent it's ridiculous and JJ, a new guy i met during homecoming, is always off doing his own thing. i just want companionship. i feel like i have no friends in the area that i am close to. i stay at work 4 extra hours a day to avoid coming home and sitting in silence. i'm almost always on the verge of tears when i thnk about how lonely i am. it makes me sad because i know how outgoing i can be when i'm with my friends, and how much fun i have when they're around. i'm just not myself and i can't figure out how to fix it. i get up and go to work, which is really the only time i interact with people. i come home alone, i eat alone, i go to church alone, my nights and weekends are basically spent alone. it makes me want to cry...really.

I should've been an architecture major bc I'm building sooo many bridges lately. Last week I was over Prince and now he's back. Today its Dimples because now he's back, and for no apparent reason. I've just decided he must not be worth the headache. He randomly hit me up on fb a couple weeks ago and we've been back talking ever since. He calls me almost everyday to talk for about 30 minutes and last night was no different. He wasn't very talkative and I was struggling to keep the convo going bc I like talking to him (most of the time). So he sends me a text today apologizing bc he was frustrated last night and 'it isn't fair to me that he is talking to me when he likes someone else' so I just replied ok enjoy ur day...building bridges...

I should've been an architecture major bc I'm building sooo many bridges lately. Last week I was over Prince and now he's back. Today its Dimples because now he's back, and for no apparent reason. I've just decided he must not be worth the headache. He randomly hit me up on fb a couple weeks ago and we've been back talking ever since. He calls me almost everyday to talk for about 30 minutes and last night was no different. He wasn't very talkative and I was struggling to keep the convo going bc I like talking to him (most of the time). So he sends me a text today apologizing bc he was frustrated last night and 'it isn't fair to me that he is talking to me when he likes someone else' so I just replied ok enjoy ur day...building bridges...