it's been a few weeks since i last blogged, but my life picks right back up with Dimples...such a complete waste of time and thought. i haven't heard from him since that stupid text that i talked about in my last post. then, at 3:45am on Saturday morning, he randomly called me and asked me to come pick him up so we could hang out. he called 3 times and i ignored the first 2 times, and i should've ignored the third time too but i just wanted to get back to sleep and he kept calling back to back. i told him i was not going to come get him but we could hang out later that day. i shouldn't have done that because it just opened up the forgotten emotions that i had for him, but today they are buried, and i hope i can honestly say forever. he is not who i thought he was, and not who i want to be with. i was honest with him about my feelings for him and that gave him way too much power. so now i'm reclaiming that power and not speaking to him for a very long time, until i am forced to or am ready to. he's just not worth it.
once again i find myself alone A LOT and its driving me crazy. Prince is so inconsistent it's ridiculous and JJ, a new guy i met during homecoming, is always off doing his own thing. i just want companionship. i feel like i have no friends in the area that i am close to. i stay at work 4 extra hours a day to avoid coming home and sitting in silence. i'm almost always on the verge of tears when i thnk about how lonely i am. it makes me sad because i know how outgoing i can be when i'm with my friends, and how much fun i have when they're around. i'm just not myself and i can't figure out how to fix it. i get up and go to work, which is really the only time i interact with people. i come home alone, i eat alone, i go to church alone, my nights and weekends are basically spent alone. it makes me want to cry...really.
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