Thursday, March 19, 2009
finding the right one
as we were riding in the car on the way to a movie in Georgetown, one of my girls started to tell us about an amazing sermon that she heard on Sunday by a guest preacher. the preacher talked about how it used to be law that all hunters were required to leave their dogs at home while hunting deer because too many deer were being killed. so naturally, when a deer is shot and wounded it doesn't just lay down and die. it fights to stay alive and tries to escape the hunter. as the deer runs through the forest in an attempt to escape death, the hunter tracks the deer by finding a little blood here and a little blood there. it could take a hunter a whole day to finally track down the wounded deer. dogs, on the other hand can find a wounded deer in a matter of minutes because they were blessed with such a keen sense of smell. this story was a metaphor for the life of a woman. many times we walk around like a wounded deer, fighting for our lives and refusing to die. his message hit me when he said what it takes a man all day to find, a dog can find in a matter of minutes. unless you've never been in a relationship, odds are that you've been hurt before. walking around wounded makes you a target for dogs. wait for the man to find you. it may take all day, but it will be worth the wait...as i always say patience is a virtue.
Monday, March 9, 2009
how do you relax??
i am so overwhelmed...the BIG test is coming up and i'm scared out of my mind. i feel so lost as to what i should be teaching and how to help my students who are struggling. i wish the year was over and my kids just did well so i wouldn't have to worry anymore. i'm so stressed that i'm taking it out on the kids...i find myself disinterested in planning--even more than usual--and i'm overly sarcastic with the children. i even embarrassed one of my students today, which i totally didn't mean to do but it came out and i felt so bad afterwards. i'm just frustrated and there's nothing i can do to fix it except try to relax. Relaxing...
now that's something i do NOT know how to do. all i've known my entire life is work work work, which is why i teach aftercare 2 days a week and saturday school in addition to my regular 8-3:30. i never sit down and just relax...i worked just as much in college, maybe more. its the only way i can remain productive. i get lazy and unmotivated the second i start to chill. i feel like i'll be this way my whole life, despite the fact that i want to vacation and travel. i know that i will be all about my husband when i get married, and my children will become my life. i try to take time for myself but i don't really know how to do that either.
i've tried to get to know myself. how do you do that? i learned a lot about me during college because i was thrown into such a different world (:-) but now that i am officially an adult, i have become boring again and i don't discover things about myself as often as i used to. sigh...what to do? what to do? i need someone to help me relax...
now that's something i do NOT know how to do. all i've known my entire life is work work work, which is why i teach aftercare 2 days a week and saturday school in addition to my regular 8-3:30. i never sit down and just relax...i worked just as much in college, maybe more. its the only way i can remain productive. i get lazy and unmotivated the second i start to chill. i feel like i'll be this way my whole life, despite the fact that i want to vacation and travel. i know that i will be all about my husband when i get married, and my children will become my life. i try to take time for myself but i don't really know how to do that either.
i've tried to get to know myself. how do you do that? i learned a lot about me during college because i was thrown into such a different world (:-) but now that i am officially an adult, i have become boring again and i don't discover things about myself as often as i used to. sigh...what to do? what to do? i need someone to help me relax...
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Things Most People Don't Know About Me
So i got these from a few people and they were interesting so i decided to do one of my own...
1. My younger sister is my best friend. I actually look up to her and want to be like her in many ways ( I don’t know if she knows that or not)
2. I am VERY clumsy!!! I trip, walk into walls, or lose my balance randomly while walking about 3-5 times a day. I also can't walk in a straight line to save my life...
3. I’m extra prissy—I can’t stand for my hands and/or clothes to get dirty. When I was a baby I refused to eat peanut butter because it would get stuck to my hands causing me to scream until someone cleaned me.
4. When I was younger I hated all condiments ( I still kinda do). I would always order plain hamburgers in my McDonald’s Happy Meals, just meat and the bread. I still to this day won’t eat a hotdog unless it’s absolutely plain.
5. Speaking of food, I can’t stand for my food to touch. My parents bought me special plates to eat on at dinner so that I wouldn’t waste food that ended up touching other foods my mom cooked.
6. My parents were EXTREMELY over-protective of me and my sister growing up. We were never allowed to play in the front yard, cross the street, or walk up and down the driveway (even when I was in high school). To this day it feels very strange to walk from my front door towards the street.
7. I still remember my first whipping by my mother. She told me I couldn’t have something that I wanted, so I came at her with my hands up like bear claws growling. She stripped me down to nothing, got a switch from the backyard, beat me and then made me take a bath and go to bed. Anybody who’s ever gotten whipped with a switch knows a soapy bath afterwards is EXTRA torture.
8. My dad’s remedy for everything is to “put a hot rag on it”. When I had a headache, stomach ache, toothache, whatever was hurting, my father would make me get a bath cloth and wet it with steaming hot water and lay it on my ailment. He also firmly believes that a hot rag would cure acne.
9. When I was a senior in high school, my father hit me with a car. He was dropping me off at school one day, and as I was walking around the front of the car, he was looking behind him for oncoming traffic. Once it was clear, he took off as I was still standing in front of the car. My right knee began to swell up to the size of a grapefruit and it still bothers me to this day.
10. When I was about 8 or 9, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis in my hands, but my mother called the devil a liar and the next Sunday at Church she took me up to be prayed for and I was healed.
11. I used to be able to sing. In 7th grade, I starred as Dorothy in The Wiz, but by 8th grade the talent faded.
12. I have random muscle spasms all over my body. They don’t hurt, but my muscles just jump and twitch. I tell myself that that part of my body is growing
13. I always wanted to go on Soul Train and dance. I’d watch every Saturday , and I just knew I’d be one of the featured dancers they always had the cameras on.
14. You know how some women like men in uniform? I LOVE Black men in suits, it really is a big turn on for me…uniforms do nothing.
15. I’ve always wanted to invent a machine that would read out loud the thoughts that cross my mind, so I wouldn’t have to talk to people.
16. I make faces at everyone and everything that is annoying or just stupid. I can’t help it and don’t realize I do it.
17. I hate cats, twizzlers, oranges, grape soda and peppermints (the hard kind that old women keep in their purses)
18. I used to hate my height until I started modeling around the age of 16. Now I still don’t like it, I just try to embrace it.
19. When I used to act in elementary and middle school, I’d think about my maternal grandmother dying in order to cry on cue.
20. I used to have the biggest crush on Alfie from “My Brother and Me”…lol
21. I used to have a map of the mall taped to the inside of my locker like Lisa Turtle on Saved By the Bell
22. I am scared of being abducted or kidnapped because of all the Lifetime movies my mother, sister, and I watched back-to-back-to-back.
23. I have a fear of falling so I can never ride roller coasters.
24. I’ve kept a diary since I was able to write and I read them every now and then to reminisce on my dramatic episodes of nothingness.
25. My first kiss was with my first boyfriend (age 7) at a Kriss Kross Concert underneath his coat in the backseat of his dad’s car.
26. I only remember getting dirty one day in my life, when I was playing in the mud with this little white girl who lived down the street from me.
27. In high school, one of my good friends used to call me Cinderella because I was always in the house cleaning…everyday.
28. Some people had chore lists, my mother created a chore book, which she copied for my sister and had bound. It detailed how each chore should be done, how frequently it should be done, and approximately how long it should take us to complete it.
29. Growing up, I was always compared to Brandy, especially when Moesha was really big…now I don’t see it as a compliment, in fact it insults me a little.
30. I can’t wait to get married and have kids. I’ve been planning for this since kindergarten.
31. I lived my whole life in anticipation for college because of my favorite show “A Different World”. Needless to say, Howard is not Hilman but I did befriend some pretty amazing people that I absolutely love!!
1. My younger sister is my best friend. I actually look up to her and want to be like her in many ways ( I don’t know if she knows that or not)
2. I am VERY clumsy!!! I trip, walk into walls, or lose my balance randomly while walking about 3-5 times a day. I also can't walk in a straight line to save my life...
3. I’m extra prissy—I can’t stand for my hands and/or clothes to get dirty. When I was a baby I refused to eat peanut butter because it would get stuck to my hands causing me to scream until someone cleaned me.
4. When I was younger I hated all condiments ( I still kinda do). I would always order plain hamburgers in my McDonald’s Happy Meals, just meat and the bread. I still to this day won’t eat a hotdog unless it’s absolutely plain.5. Speaking of food, I can’t stand for my food to touch. My parents bought me special plates to eat on at dinner so that I wouldn’t waste food that ended up touching other foods my mom cooked.
6. My parents were EXTREMELY over-protective of me and my sister growing up. We were never allowed to play in the front yard, cross the street, or walk up and down the driveway (even when I was in high school). To this day it feels very strange to walk from my front door towards the street.
7. I still remember my first whipping by my mother. She told me I couldn’t have something that I wanted, so I came at her with my hands up like bear claws growling. She stripped me down to nothing, got a switch from the backyard, beat me and then made me take a bath and go to bed. Anybody who’s ever gotten whipped with a switch knows a soapy bath afterwards is EXTRA torture.
8. My dad’s remedy for everything is to “put a hot rag on it”. When I had a headache, stomach ache, toothache, whatever was hurting, my father would make me get a bath cloth and wet it with steaming hot water and lay it on my ailment. He also firmly believes that a hot rag would cure acne.
9. When I was a senior in high school, my father hit me with a car. He was dropping me off at school one day, and as I was walking around the front of the car, he was looking behind him for oncoming traffic. Once it was clear, he took off as I was still standing in front of the car. My right knee began to swell up to the size of a grapefruit and it still bothers me to this day.
10. When I was about 8 or 9, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis in my hands, but my mother called the devil a liar and the next Sunday at Church she took me up to be prayed for and I was healed.
11. I used to be able to sing. In 7th grade, I starred as Dorothy in The Wiz, but by 8th grade the talent faded.
12. I have random muscle spasms all over my body. They don’t hurt, but my muscles just jump and twitch. I tell myself that that part of my body is growing
13. I always wanted to go on Soul Train and dance. I’d watch every Saturday , and I just knew I’d be one of the featured dancers they always had the cameras on.
14. You know how some women like men in uniform? I LOVE Black men in suits, it really is a big turn on for me…uniforms do nothing.
15. I’ve always wanted to invent a machine that would read out loud the thoughts that cross my mind, so I wouldn’t have to talk to people.
16. I make faces at everyone and everything that is annoying or just stupid. I can’t help it and don’t realize I do it.
17. I hate cats, twizzlers, oranges, grape soda and peppermints (the hard kind that old women keep in their purses)
18. I used to hate my height until I started modeling around the age of 16. Now I still don’t like it, I just try to embrace it.
19. When I used to act in elementary and middle school, I’d think about my maternal grandmother dying in order to cry on cue.
20. I used to have the biggest crush on Alfie from “My Brother and Me”…lol
21. I used to have a map of the mall taped to the inside of my locker like Lisa Turtle on Saved By the Bell
22. I am scared of being abducted or kidnapped because of all the Lifetime movies my mother, sister, and I watched back-to-back-to-back.
23. I have a fear of falling so I can never ride roller coasters.
24. I’ve kept a diary since I was able to write and I read them every now and then to reminisce on my dramatic episodes of nothingness.
25. My first kiss was with my first boyfriend (age 7) at a Kriss Kross Concert underneath his coat in the backseat of his dad’s car.
26. I only remember getting dirty one day in my life, when I was playing in the mud with this little white girl who lived down the street from me.
27. In high school, one of my good friends used to call me Cinderella because I was always in the house cleaning…everyday.
28. Some people had chore lists, my mother created a chore book, which she copied for my sister and had bound. It detailed how each chore should be done, how frequently it should be done, and approximately how long it should take us to complete it.
29. Growing up, I was always compared to Brandy, especially when Moesha was really big…now I don’t see it as a compliment, in fact it insults me a little.
30. I can’t wait to get married and have kids. I’ve been planning for this since kindergarten.
31. I lived my whole life in anticipation for college because of my favorite show “A Different World”. Needless to say, Howard is not Hilman but I did befriend some pretty amazing people that I absolutely love!!
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